Randomness...

Random stuff to sum up my day so far.

• Awake at 1.30am.
• Medication.
• Cappuccinos.
• Emails, Twitter & Facebook fix.
• Scrabble on Facebook.
• Visit from the nurse. 6 weeks and counting.
• Spinning Vinyl.
• Spotify.
• Cable tidy up.
• PH@TT menu copied for step 3.
• English lesson preparation.
• Text from Mum telling me she'll send her Hot Cross bun recipes.
• Typo on Twitter calling Hot Cross buns bums. Whakama.
• Received STAR WARS figurines. #PeterPanSyndrome
• Received Lighthouse stamp album full of world stamps. Sorting & soaking awaits.
• Messenger chats with my boy.

What will the evening hold?

Update:

• English lesson with hyperactive kids. 
• An hour on the PS3. Note to self: save for a PS4. 
• Hot water bottle. Beware boiling water! 
• Harry Potter audio book. 
• Cocoon. 
• Reading Two Brothers by Ben Elton accompanied by Rainy Mood (for background noise). 
• Cuppa Yorkshire Tea. 

Voila. My day. 

Fatty.

I put on a lot of weight after the death of our son. There were several reasons for that. I was heavily medicated and had been put on Lithium, amongst other medicines, for my bipolar. I'm sure that there is a link between this medication and weight gain. I certainly noticed a rapid change in my weight.

After the initial stages of grief, where I didn't really want to eat anything at all, I did start to eat somewhat in excess. My ex-wife pointed out to me the other day that I did eat a lot of meat. I never really noticed. I was a serial grazer and always had my head in the fridge. It was comfort food no doubt.

I've always been a bloke who enjoys a beer, no doubt a victim of the rugby, racing and beer mentality found in New Zealand. That, however, is not an excuse. Of course after the death of my son I started to drink more. I fucked up on more than one occassion and was not proud of myself. What's more, drinking while on medication was not a good look. I still enjoy a beer however now drink in moderation. I've only had about 10 beers since Christmas; probably one reason for my weight-loss.

When we separated, and later divorced, I found myself living alone. That was when I really started eating poorly. Despite a love of cooking, which disappeared after the death of N, it was so easy to buy prepared meals, pizzas, quiches etc. Not good. My favourite jeans and other clothes no longer fit me. Being on a limited budget it was very difficult to buy new clothes. That invariably saw me wearing clothes that just made me feel like shit. I didn't feel good about myself.

Enough was enough. A friend back home in New Zealand had started a diet called PH@TT (Putting Health at the Top) and was getting simply amazing results. She became my mentor for the diet and I started in November 2017. I admit to stopping over Christmas. There was no way I was going to miss the festive food. I started at 135 kgs. At weigh-in this morning I was down to 110.4 kgs!

However the PH@TT diet is not only for weight loss. It also has a remarkable affect on mental health. You think clearly and are full of energy...I've even started doing housework in the bachelor pad. Hell has frozen over!

I'm supposed to start step 3 of the program this coming Saturday, known as maintenance, however may extend step 2 for another week as I try to get my weight down as close to 100 kgs as possible.

I'm feeling good. Watch this space.

Scorched!

Well, I did a bloody stupid thing. I knocked over a pot of boiling water (don't ask me how) and burnt my foot. Second degree burns. A none too pleasant feeling to go with it. I am feeling decidedly sorry for myself. It's not really possible to walk a helluva lot. I hobble to the little boys' room and into the kitchen to make a cuppa, but the rest of the time is spent lying on the sofa. Feel free to feel sorry for me. I have a nurse coming every day for 3 weeks to change the dressing and have been looked after by my ex-wife. She even bought me some special slippers. 👍

So, I'm making the most of my last days havin Netflix and catching up on the Super Rugby that I recorded over the weekend. And of course I'm spinning some vinyl. I also have a packet of crosswords from my Mum in New Zealand to get through. She regularly sends me a selection of crosswords, code crackers and cartoons from the Northern Advocate.

So there's not a helluva lot of interesting things happening chez moi. Suffering terribly. Man pain.

Bouncing back.

It's strange how rapidly the thoughts and mood of someone with Bipolar can change. Since my last post, when I was down, things have been on the up. This was especially noticeable this afternoon on my way to give an English lesson when I loved looking at the countryside and felt content to live in France (let alone be French). Such stark contrast to a couple of days ago.

These drastic mood swings can be a right pain in the arse. You never know if you're Arthur or Martha and what the reality is. I know that the real me is the bouyant, happy part of me, and yet when I'm down I know that this is part of me too. Thanks Bipolar type 2.

Happy, happy, joy, joy thoughts include being proud of the progress I've made with my diet. I'm bordering on a 20kg weight loss. 15kg more to go. I'm enjoying working again even if it is only part time. It's helping me keep my head above water after 3 years struggling big time with finances, not helped by my spending sprees; blame that on the Bipolar too. I've basically got that under control now, so long may it continue. I'm still borderline but much better off than before...touch wood (don't need to have to buy new tyres or anything).

Loving my vinyl collection. I allow myself 1 new purchase a month. Cheap as if you know where to look. It's always a bit of a gamble as to whether the record is scratched to fuck or not, but so far I've been lucky (touch some more wood). My latest purchase was Aqualung my Jethro Tull. Noice. When I listen to it I always think about passing by Ian Anderson's salmon farm on the Isle of Skye in Scotland. Odd. Reading wise, to be honest my concentration hasn't been the best over the last couple of days but I try hard to read a chapter or two a night. I don't force myself; forcing oneself is not a pleasuable reading experience. I need books that really stimulate my imagination and are exciting or full of suspense. Any suggestions?

Right now it's time to do some lesson planning, cook a dietic dinner (poached chicken and ratatouille), crank up some sounds and then settle back to watch something on Netflix (which I've cancelled in lieu of Canal+ for the Super Rugby from Downunder. I'll subscribe again if finances allow), or an NFL replay on YouTube. Cancelled lesson in the morning so I'm allowed to stay up late!

Ka kite ano.

Dip in form.

This weekend has seen me doing it tough. I've been really down; homesick, fear & unbearable sadness. It's tough and at times you doubt that you'll ever come out the other side, or even if you want to.

I climbed into bed at 4.30pm today. My cocoon. I feel better now, no doubt due to the drugs mixed with a generous dollop of Harry Potter; my saviour.  I've found a 5€ note so should be able to get to work tomorrow, otherwise I'll have to forego work until 5 March due to lack of funds; à horrible situation to be in.

I'm going to watch Midsomer Murders or an NFL match now to try and buoy the spirits.

Tomorrow is a new day. May it please be a good one.

12

I'm hooked. Hooked on the NFL. Totally sucked in. I know that they wear helmets and pads & as a New Zealander & a rugby supporter (ex player), we find that a bit soft. Nonetheless it is a very addictive game once you get your head around the technical side of it. I'm a debutant & have even ordered a 'Football for Dummies' book on Amazon.

I'm a Seattle Seahawks supporter (Go Hawks) probably because I like their fan base. The fans are known as the 12 as they act as the twelth man on the field. Their home ground has the NFL stadium record for noise. So, I'm now one of the 12; even bought the shirt.

Never fear. I remain an All Blacks supporter first and foremost. Nothing will change that. I'm just thoroughly enjoying the NFL.

Chugging along.

Long time, no post. Oops. I'm just chugging along and am actually feeling quite good. I've restarted my Ph@tt diet and am nudging the 20kgs lost mark! Woot! I'm really proud of myself but still have 15kgs to go to reach my objective of getting as close to 100kgs as possible; my 'normal' weight. I highly recommend the program.

I'm also going well with my English lessons and have 7 a week. As I'm not allowed to earn too much while on the invalidity allowance, this is pretty much perfect. What's more, they're keeping the old brain ticking over. I'm even on the verge of being able to save some pingers for another trip 'home' to New Zealand.

The hidden talent as a domestic god seem to be coming to the fore. I managed a three our clean up of the bachelor pad yesterday, and made headway with the neverending French administration.

The above may seem like very little, but each thing is a great achievement for me at this stage of my life. I did have my Bipolar 2 confirmed along with borderline PTSD. Remembering to take my medicine and monitor the beer intake is very important obviously. It's a tad difficult to sit down for an afternoon of six nations rugby without a jar to hand.

So, that's me for the moment. Chugging along. I'll try to come up with a more profound post in the days to come.

Ka kite ano.

One step forward, two steps back.

After selling as much stuff as possible on eBay and Le Bon Coin, I once again find myself with an unexpected, hefty bill. The bloody power bill arrived today, and it's more than 4 times last month's bill! Go figure. I'm very frugal with electricity (heating etc), and consume as little hot water as possible. I've written a letter to my electricity provider to say that I find it extremely unlikely that I have consumed that much electricity. Nearly 300€ fuck it all. 

So, no food for me this month! Pissed off.

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