Full speed ahead.

Despite being dangerous, one of the upsides of being bipolar is the mania. That may sound odd, but as far as I'm concerned it's true. The feeling of invincibility. The absolute joy in everything you do, & the absolute pleasure in doing them.

I've been in a manic phase for about a week now & am buzzing. I've been cooking, cleaning, watching, playing, riding & reading all at a rate of knots & loving every minute of it. Thankfully it's the summer holidays as I'm not sleeping a helluva lot. It's currently 2am & I've only had an hours sleep so far.

There are, of course, the downsides. Coming down from a high can be a right bugger & I need to be very aware of a sudden change in mood. Thankfully my medication seems to be controlling the crashes & they are nowhere as bad as they used to be a couple of years ago. Thankfully the meds don't stop the highs (I imagine that they should). Something that is very dangerous for me is my online spending. When on a high I tend to make use of my good friends Amazon, eBay & PayPal. It's not unknown for me to buy stuff from Amazon & then return them for a refund a couple of days after receiving them. I have heard that Amazon is going to crack down on serial returners; a good thing.

As you may well know, I have chronic Peter Pan syndrome. I'm not sure if a man of my age can be an absolute tragic Harry Potter fan, have a collection of STAR WARS figurines, play Disney Infinity & Harry Potter Lego on Xbox One, & have a framed picture of a Harry Potter Lego figurine on my wall. These things contribute to my spending habit. When on a high I'll get excited about purchasing something; often at night after climbing into bed. The excitement & anticipation is like a drug. It is an addiction after all. The funny thing is that I'll also spend if I ever feel down, my justification being that I think I'll feel better if I just buy that figurine, BluRay or gadget.

Stephen Fry, who is bipolar, put out a film called The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive. It is well worth watching if you want to learn a little more about Bipolar Disorder & mania. Fry spends too; his weakness Apple computers & goodies. The film is available on YouTube.

So, that's me at the moment. Buzzing & loving it. Voila.

Hunchback.

I fractured my scapula two years ago after falling down the stairs. Don't ask. Something strange has happened since though. I find that I favour that shoulder, which I suppose is normal, but favour it at certain times.

Whenever I'm stressed or nervous, the shoulder hunches up as if I'm trying to protect not only it, but myself.

I've always felt lesser than others. My self confidence has dimished over the years; I was at my prime while teaching in New Zealand. Funnily enough I find it difficult to stand square on with people while talking to them, and now my shoulder will automatically hunch up and I need to consciously make an effort to 'un-hunch' it and turn square on to people. I'm working on my self confidence, but don't interact with a helluva lot of people these days (my own choice).

So, un-unhunched and square on; new objectives. Voila.