My dream car. Voila.

TEFL

I've just completed an hour of work on my TEFL course. That's about the limit of my concentration span these days. My poor old brain has been in hibernation for quite a few years now. I attack it in one hour chunks & then listen to some music or potter around the bachelor pad.

This course is quite daunting and I find myself dreading the assignments and tests. I sometimes feel as though I'm not up to it, but know that I need to keep going if for no other reason than my own self-worth. Setting an objective of two, hour long sessions a day is my new approach.

Time to spin some vinyl and do some housework. Domestic God.

Focus.

What with everything that goes on in my head, I find it bloody difficult to concentrate or focus on anything for an extended period of time. I have found it difficult to read since my son died and have only started  over the last half year or so; 8 years after his death. Even now, I can only manage a few pages, or a chapter at the most. I even find it quite difficult to concentrate while watching a film and, shock horror, find watching a rugby match at the limit of my capabilities.

This lack of concentration is proving to be quite a hurdle at the moment as I have taken on an online TEFL course. I'm finding it exceedingly hard to settle in and study. It's been a few years since I've done so, however I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to make much progress.

Similarly, I can't stay in silence. I have to have an audio book playing. Music has only recently been an option; a pleasure that I lost 8 years ago. I rediscovered the pleasure of music due to my vinyl collection.

Needing some form of noise at all times means that I have to have something playing while I study. Obviously audio books are not an option; even my beloved Harry Potter and Belgariad. Thankfully, I discovered Rainy Mood and it's wonderful thunderstorms. It's very relaxing and is helping me to work on my concentration

So as I finish this post, I take up my pencil and open my TEFL course web page accompanied by heavy rain, thunder and lightning. My objective: concentrate for an hour. Wish me luck.

Budget blowout.

I have an addiction. It's probably not a very common one, but an addiction nonetheless. I overspend. I'm addicted to spending. There, I said it. I spend money that I don't have, and regularly get my priorities mixed up. I'll buy a gadget instead of getting a new, much needed bottle of gas for my oven/stove. I'll buy M&Ms instead of putting petrol in my car (that's a lot of M&Ms). I collect shit.

There are two organisations that are, or arguably aren't, my friends when it comes to buying online. Amazon and eBay. Amazon is like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for me. Books, tech, music, stationery (yes, I have an extensive collection of pens and pencils that I don't really need)...the list goes on. Ebay is a different kettle of fish and a helluva lot more dangerous. Why? Well, you can pay for purchases with PayPal, using money that you don't have. There are no checks and balances stopping one from purchasing 'stuff'. I am just waiting for a refund to my PayPal account, then I'm closing the bloody thing down. I'm proud of myself for having made the decision. Hopefully the refund willarrive soon before I do anymore damage to my bank account.

Money leaves my bank account faster than it enters. If, and when, I do get money, I spend it without thinking about what I'm doing. That, of course, leads to stress when it comes to the end of the month and I have no money for food, petrol or gas. It's not a pleasant feeling.

I have learnt that such overspending is often associated with bipolar disorder. I have Stephen Fry's The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive. Fry shares his some of his spending habits. He is addicted to buying Apple computers and products, invariably when he doesn't really need them and has others at home. Somehow this makes me feel better about my own impulsive buying. Not an excuse; far from it, but a realisation that it is not just me who overspends. I'm probably not explaining myself very well.

I have made a list of things that I can do for free. Petrol is an issue for me, so I can't go far from home; to the beach for instance. However, I can go for walks in the Breton countryside. I can take photos to share. I can blog. I can enjoy my TV and everything that Netflix and Amazon Prime TV have to offer. I can cook, although I've been on a very strict diet since November 2017. The list goes on. No excuses.

So, I check my PayPal account regularly in the hope that my refund has arrived. Then I can close the account and start my frugal lifestyle.

Am now craving M&Ms.